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All of the documentation reads like "const record = new aws.route53.Record" should update a record if it exists, but I keep getting:
error: 1 error occurred:
        * creating Route 53 Record: InvalidChangeBatch: [Tried to create resource record set [name='record.abc.com.', type='A'] but it already exists]

It will update the record if it exists _and is already managed by Pulumi_. If Pulumi doesn't manage it, you need to import it into Pulumi, first.

Since Pulumi doesn't know it exists, it can't know to update it, so it tries to create it.

I can try to import it, but I've only touched it through the console once after it created it, I changed something, and it refused to update it after.

Oh, for once, the AI gave me the answer correctly. The aws.route53.Record examples should probably include this or make it more clear. I need this added to it:
allowOverwrite: true,