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Maybe just use the amazon sdk if pulumi doesn't have this function?

Pulumi will converge on "desired state" for any resources it owns
So if it owns the instance role you would just remove the policy from the source and it would be deleted

yeah unfortunately I'm using an external library so don't quite "own" a handle to the resouce but instead a reference to it's arn.

As I wait for the library producers to make a change, I'm trying to come up with a work around